


The Stars Between Bruised Knuckles

by sockablock



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon-adjacent, Fluff, Gen, Nott has some Wisdoms to offer and also snark, Team as Family, and i just HAD TO WRITE THIS, episode 34 spoilers!, nott and beau had that exchange about dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 08:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15991784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sockablock/pseuds/sockablock
Summary: "I don't have, like,anydreams at night. Is that weird?"(Or: After Nott's episode 34 throwaway promise to help Beau remember her dreams, I entered a fugue state and wrote this)





	The Stars Between Bruised Knuckles

“AAAUUUGGGHHUUAAAGGHHHH!” 

Beau instantly shot upwards, hands clenched into fists, teeth bared and ready for battle before her mind had even awoken. 

Then she glanced down and saw a little goblin staring nervously back up at her. A pair of enormous yellow eyes gleamed in the darkness.

“Nott?” she hissed. “Nott, what the _fuck_?”

Around them, the rest of the Mighty Nein had jolted into consciousness as well. But upon realizing that there was no threat, they all sighed, muttered irritably to themselves, and returned to their bedrolls in tired exasperation. 

“Sorry,” Nott whispered, though she did not sound it. “Was that too much?”

Beau sat down on her sleeping bag and ran a hand through her hair. It hung loosely around her shoulders.

“That depends,” she grumbled. “What the _fuck_ were you tryin’ to do?”

“I was trying to wake you up,” Nott shrugged. “I promised I would, remember?”

“Well, you definitely accomplished that,” Beau sighed, rubbing her temples. “ _Why_?”

Nott blinked. “I _told_ you, didn’t I? I’d help you remember your dreams. Did it work? What were they about?”

Beau gave her a blank stare, then sighed and shook her head. “Gods above, Nott, even if I was dreaming about something—”

“—which you definitely were—”

“—don’t you think that I’d forget if a screaming goblin woke me up?”

Nott seemed to ponder this. “Yeah, okay,” she admitted. “Yeah… _maybe_ that’s possible.”

Beau sighed. “Why do you even care so much?” she asked. “My dreams can’t be that interesting. Otherwise they’d stick, right?”

“Who knows?” Nott argued. “Maybe you’re getting secret messages from, from unknown gods or demon princes! Maybe your brain is unlocking the mysteries of the universe, or your mind is being visited by spirits every time you close your eyes!”

Beau snorted, and shook her head. “Definitely not. And anyways, why the _hell_ would that happen to _me_?” she asked.

“Well, it’s happening to everybody else, isn’t it? Fjord keeps getting saltwater dreams, and Yasha got dreams about islands, and Caduceus is following _his_ dreams, and Jester talks to the Traveler in her sleep and I _think_ Caleb has night terrors, but don’t tell him that I told you that.”

There was a pause. Then Beau flopped down onto her bedroll and sighed. She waved a lazy hand for Nott to sit as well and the goblin did, lowering herself slowly into the grass, back turned to the campfire.

“Our friends are fuckin’ insane, huh?” Beau mumbled.

“I don’t know if that’s the exact word I’d use,” Nott said, “but we do get into some pretty crazy shenanigans.”

She chuckled. “Not what I meant.”

“What _did_ you mean, then?”

Beau extended a hand skywards. She considered the outline of her fingers.

“Like you said. All of them have fucking weird-ass dreams. But it’s not just that. They’re all, all weird in the day time too, and they’re _powerful_. I mean, Fjord eats swords and walks on thunder and makes black holes full of tentacles. Jester’s childhood best friend is an illegal god of mischief and chaos, and she talks to him on the _regular_. Caduceus calls holy fire down from the fuckin’ heavens and has a staff full of bugs, and goes around spillin’ people’s deepest darkest secrets that they don’t even _know_ about! And Yasha, well, Yasha is a goddamn motherfucking angel with skeletal wings and glowing eyes—and as hot as that is, it can be a _little_ fucking weird! Plus Caleb, Caleb would almost be normal! Except that he goes around setting people on fire and going into comas and conjuring explosions and talkin’ about bending the universe to his will.”

She examined the glittering stars between her bruised knuckles. 

“Then look at me. Look at you! You’re a goblin who likes buttons, and I’m a fucking rich girl that ran away from home. I love those assholes, I really do, but what the _fuck_ are we doing, traveling with people like them?”

She lowered her palm. She turned toward the small silhouette seated before the fire.

“What’ll happen to us when their destinies start calling? What’ll we say when their gods take them back? What’re we gonna do when…what’re we gonna do when they leave us behind?”

There was a long, long pause. The embers of the campfire crackled. A breeze ruffled the grass, a cricket chirped in the distance.

“Beau?”

“Yeah?”

“You _punch ghosts_.”

A moment’s hesitation.

“What?”

“You. Ghosts. You punch them. All the time, actually.”

Beau frowned. She posted up onto an elbow and stared into what she could see of Nott’s face.

“That’s _different_.”

“Oh, really?” Nott raised an eyebrow. “Is it really? Because when you’re hiding behind a crate and cowering on the ground and putting little metal bolts into a crossbow that _somebody else made_ and your fingers shake, and you see someone else backflip over a _wagon_ and punch a _floating ball of electricity_ in the _face_ , it doesn’t really look all that different.”

Beau opened her mouth to protest, then sighed. “Alright,” she admitted, “okay, I guess, that’s…fair. But that’s not what I _mean_. I mean, the rest of them are all…working towards something. Even if they don’t know it. They’ve all…they’ve all got their own huge ambitions or they’re being guided by fuckin’ otherwordly forces, and they’re a part of something so much bigger than themselves. You’ve gotta agree with me there, right?”

“…yeah.”

“Right,” Beau nodded. “And doesn’t it, I don’t know, doesn’t it scare you sometimes? Aren’t you worried that they’re gonna go on to do insane things and change the world and then…I don’t know, and then maybe one day they realize that all you do is hit stuff good—don’t argue with me there, you know that’s all it fucking is—and then they decide that…that they don’t need you anymore? Haven’t you ever worried about that?”

Nott considered this. 

“Well…I’ll, I’ll admit that I have. But really, it doesn’t bother me.”

“Oh yeah?” Beau asked. “Why’s that?”

She shrugged. “Because I’m certain that they won’t ever leave me behind. I…I know what it’s like to be around people who don’t want me. But being in _this_ group? I’ve never felt that way, not even once.”

The campfire sparked, briefly illuminating her frame. 

“I love these people,” she said softly. “I love this group. I’d like to think that they love me too. And that’s not something that goes away, even if a god demands it, and even when fate gets in the way.”

Amid the silence that followed, Beau sat up. Nott stared at the grass by her knees.

“Do you really think that?” Beau asked. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I do.”

Beau bit her lip. Then she sighed, and nodded slowly. “I…I know what it’s like when people don’t want me, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. This is nothing like that.”

There was another pause. This one held its breath, waited with the still air. Then:

“I do have one more question,” Beau said.

Nott blinked. “Uh…sure. Shoot.”

“You still haven’t told me. _Why_ do you care so much about what I’m dreaming?”

Nott gave her a tiny, toothy smile. “Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t also picked by an otherwordly being, and that you weren’t missing your destiny, or something.”

Beau snorted. “I’m pretty sure you can rest assured, there.”

“Oh, really? How come?”

She laid back down on her bedroll, looked to the night sky.

“Well… _maybe_ I’m starting to get the feeling that I’ve already found it.”

Nott followed her gaze up. She leaned against her palms, and let the warmth of their campfire tickle her back.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “Yeah, I think I have too.”

**Author's Note:**

> can you guys tell that I just really love campfire conversations, and I just really love Beau. Because those are ALL the one shots ive been writing lately and I'm having a such a good time.
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please consider leaving Comments and Kudos! They fuel me, the fic-writing machine, and let me know what content y'all enjoy! And if you ever want to talk, or shout at me about critical role, hit me up [@sockablock](https://www.sockablock.tumblr.com) on Tumblr! all my drabbles and such are on that page too, if you so need something to hold yourself over between updates and new works.
> 
> Love you all, and thank you so much for reading!!! <333


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